Hand Puns

There's no section handier than this one! Welcome to our Hand Puns!

Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...
We called her Auntie Up.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
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