We've got an ARMY of Arm Puns for you!

I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".

To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."

I said, "No, he only has two."