Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
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