I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?
You get a binding relationship.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
"Dying to have fun."
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
Go to BabaMail
