A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
"No body won the skeleton race."
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
“I told you Doc!! I’ve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: “Sir, I’ll say it again, that’s A Fib!”
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
You’re my heartthrob.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
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