What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,
but only to the teeth.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
How do you mess up a brain, on paper?
With a few strokes.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
"No body won the skeleton race."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
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