What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
I have a heart-on for you.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."