Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
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