Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
A quarterback.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
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