I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
A rib cage match.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
"Dying to have fun."
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
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