How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.