What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
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