My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
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