One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
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