My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
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