Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
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