My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
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