How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
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