Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
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