What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
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