Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
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