What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"Here for the right riesling."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
"On cloud wine."
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
"Read between the wines."
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
"I need to re-wine my life."
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
"I make pour decisions."
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
"Sip happens."
"You can't sip with us."
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"It's wine o'clock."
"Time to wine down."
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.