I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
I yam what I yam.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Time to celery-brate.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What a spud muffin.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I think therefore I yam.
I hope for world peas.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Everybody romaine calm.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I love you from my head tomato
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.