While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!