Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.