There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.