What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.