How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.