The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.