What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
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