What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.