Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.