Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
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