What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
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