What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.