What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.