Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
To get to the other tide.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Go to BabaMail
