I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
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