What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
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