I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
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