What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
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