What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
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