Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
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