What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
Go to BabaMail
