My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
The superconductor left without resistance.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
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