My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
That boy narrated his-story really well.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
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