The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
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