What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
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