I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
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