My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
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