What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
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