Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Ah! The element of surprise.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
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