When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
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