Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
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