Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
To get to the other tide.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Air resistance is a real drag.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
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