What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
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