How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
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