This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!