What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
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