Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
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