Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Seas the day.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Rainbows are very uncommon, they are blue and far between.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
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