What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
Tis the sea-sun.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
I can sea clearly now.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
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