What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
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