What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
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