The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Are you squiding me right now?
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What falls all the time and never gets hurt? Rain.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Tropic like it's hot.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What is the most depressed river in Southern Europe? The Crimea River.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
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