Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Whale, hello there.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Are you squiding me right now?
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