I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
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