What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
If there's a will, there's a wave.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Avoid pier pressure.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
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