My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
I can sea clearly now.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.