What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
Q: How do you store water?
A: Cloud storage.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
Girls just wanna have sun.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
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