I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What is fire to a pyromaniac?
Just a warm-up.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
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