After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
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