Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
Avoid pier pressure.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
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