I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Tis the sea-sun.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
Are you squiding me right now?
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