Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
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