Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Shell yeah.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Are you squiding me right now?
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
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