A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
Please excuse my resting beach face.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
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