Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
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