Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.