How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
What do you call a werewolf that's found the cure for lycanthropy?
A lycan'tthrope.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock?
He got ticks.
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
What is the collective noun for Ghosts? Team spirit.
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Who is a ghoul’s favorite family member?
Mummy!
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