What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!
Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?
Because they have bat tempers.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
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