What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
What does one vampire say to another before bed?
- I hope you have a fang-tastic day!
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
- Hey, graduate student Minotaur, what are you up to today?
- Not much, just working on my Theseus.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do you call the story of a poor witch that just became a millionaire?
Rags to witches story.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
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