Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Afraid he wouldn’t get into college the skeleton spent the weekend boning up on algebra.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making monster puns.
So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
- It’s going to be a Nessie job, but let’s get Kraken!
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
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