Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
Titanic.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.