We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What did the lost witch ask the wizard?
- Witch way to the Halloween party?
What do you call a communist vampire?
A red blood count.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
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