What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house? Hope that it’s Halloween!
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
How does Frankenstein speak?
Frankly.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting until the full moon!
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What do you call a werewolf that can’t decide what to wear?
A what-to-wear-wolf.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
What’s a vampire’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A Midsummer Bite’s Dream.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What do Krakens eat?
Fish and ships.
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
Ghouldilocks!
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do ghouls love to eat?
Fettuccini Afraid-o!
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