Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal-sized clippers?
Shear size.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did one sea monster say to the other sea monster when they started their new jobs as sewer inspectors?
- It’s going to be a Nessie job, but let’s get Kraken!
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot...
I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
How did the skeleton bring his groceries home from the market?
He used his Cart-ilage.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
What do troll mathematicians like to solve?
Parabolems?
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
What do hydras fear the most?
Dehydration!
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What is a skeleton’s favorite TV show?
Bone-anza!
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
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